


IT WASN’T ME! (or ‘You Sank My Battleship!’)

by Jinx (jinx37kat)



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-20
Updated: 2010-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-20 07:39:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/210333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinx37kat/pseuds/Jinx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Secret Santa</p>
            </blockquote>





	IT WASN’T ME! (or ‘You Sank My Battleship!’)

**Author's Note:**

> Warning / Spoiler: None really… missing scene. This takes place a few days before episode 1.12.

The interior of Five-0 headquarters had been decked out in holiday fare since December 1st; all four members denied being the one who snuck in and decorated their command center.

Initially, all eyes had turned to Kono, who bitched in no uncertain terms that just because she was the girl didn’t mean that she’d puke up holiday cheer at the workplace.

It was a full week before they had discovered that Kamekona and his “family” stopped by (with the help of Chin Ho) and put up the Christmas tree in the corner, draped garland all over the place, put up lights around each office door, hung mistletoe over each and every doorway… in short, and to quote Kono, “puked up holiday cheer at the workplace”.

They had decided that Friday, December 17th was going to be the office Christmas party, barring, of course, any international incidents. So, around 3pm, they had turned off their computers, put away their reports and gathered around the communications table where a festive table cloth had been arranged along with snacks and drinks.

They had invited the Governor (because it was expected of them), but she had to decline, much to the relief of the Five-0 team. In all honesty, they just wanted to celebrate together, just the four of them.

They had decided to do a ‘secret santa’ instead of purchasing gifts for each other. The gifts had appeared under the tree over the course of a few days, making the tree look more cheery. The gifts had also shifted after their initial placing indicating that they had been ‘felt up’ as it were. Five-0 might consist of age-appropriate adults, but when it came to gifts, they all acted about seven years old.

Once they’d gathered around the table, drinks and plates of food in front of them, Chin Ho grabbed the gifts and brought them over.

“Okay, guys. Time for the gifts!”

“You are such a kid,” Kono mocked with affection.

Chin smiled cheekily at his cousin and passed each gift around.

“’To Danno from Santa’,” Chin read, passing Danny his gift.

“’Danno’,” Danny scoffed as he took the gift, rolling his eyes and glaring at Steve. “Hmm, I wonder who my secret santa was?”

All eyes turned to Steve who raised his hands up in denial. “Don’t look at me! You weren’t the name I picked!”

“Yee-eah,” Danny sneered. “Nice try, Santa.”

“It wasn’t me!”

Kono snickered and she reached out for her gift. “’To Kono love Hoahanau’.”

She eyed Chin, raising her eyebrow. When Chin looked at her curiously, she turned the present around so he could see the tag. “Wasn’t me, cuz.”

“Mmm-hmm,” she hummed in disbelief.

“It wasn’t!” Chin denied.

“Seriously? ‘Hoahanau’? Who else would it be from?”

“Someone trying to deflect?” Chin announced.

Kono and Chin looked over at Danny and Steve, but Danny looked confused with the Hawaiian term and Steve had his ever-present SEAL blank face plastered on, giving nothing away.

Kono rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

“’To the Boss, from me’,” Chin stated as he handed over Steve’s gift.

“Thanks, Kono,” Steve said, taking the rectangle box.

“It wasn’t me!” Kono refuted.

“Kono,” Steve began in his ‘reasonable’ voice, “you are the only one on the team that calls me ‘boss’.”

“No I’m not! Chin calls you boss, too!”

“No, I don’t,” Chin denied, shaking his head.

“Yes, you do, I’ve heard you.”

“When?” Chin demanded, glaring at his cousin.

Kono, a bit flustered, couldn’t think of one time off the top of her head, so she sat back and sulked.

The three men laughed at her and Chin took his seat with his gift in front of him.

“Ready?” He asked looking around.

At everyone’s nod, he gestured to Kono to go first.

Tearing into her gift, she stared down into the box and glowered.

“What did you get?” Danny asked impatiently as Kono continued to glare fire from her eyes.

She reached in and took the object out. When the three men saw what it was, they all burst out laughing. It was a Barbie Doll dressed in a makeshift cop uniform. The Barbie had her hair dyed brown and was cut, like Kono’s. Kono grabbed the Barbie by the legs and shook the doll at her teammates, Barbie hair flying in all directions, pointing to each one in turn.

“Ha, ha, guys. Very funny.” She turned the full force of her glare to Chin Ho. “You are so dead.”

“It wasn’t me!!” He denied for the hundredth time.

“Yeah, sure.” She threw the Barbie into the box and crossed her arms over her chest, sulking.

The guys continued to snicker until Kono broke, laughing with them.

“Bastards,” she muttered under her breath before she sat up. “Next?”

All eyes fell on Chin and he sighed heavily. “Fine.”

He, unlike his cousin, slowly unwrapped his gift, carefully tearing the tape off the sides, making extra sure that he didn’t tear the wrapping.

“Are you kidding me?” Steve bitched, leaning over to take the gift from Chin. Danny reached over and grabbed Steve’s wrist, forcing his partner back into his seat.

“God! What is with you and your impatience?! Sit the fuck down!”

Steve sat down and crossed his arm over his chest and pouted, much like Kono had moments before. “You are such a child,” Danny mumbled, receiving a sour glare from his partner.

“But we’ll be here all day!”

Chin glared at Steve and, if anything, slowed down even further.

“So what if we are,” Danny answered, hands gesturing left, right, and everywhere else in between. “It’s not like there are any terrorist to terrorize, any gun smugglers to shoot at us, any international diplomats to babysit, any murderer to murder, any thieves to beat up, any…,” he stopped when he noticed all eyes staring at him. “Besides,” Danny continued, leaning over and whispering in Steve’s ear. “If you’re good, I’ll let you unwrap your gift as fast as you want when we get home.” He licked the shell of Steve’s ear before reclining back with a smug look on his face.

Steve slowly sat back in his chair with a goofy grin and settled down.

“Get a room, you two,” Chin grumbled good-naturedly as he removed the final piece of tape.

“About fucking time,” Steve griped under his breath.

Danny kicked him under the table.

“A Harley puzzle. This is actually pretty cool,” Chin praised. “Damn! One thousand pieces! This will take me a week at least.”

Kono snickered. “That long?” At Danny and Steve’s curious looks, she continued, “Chin can do puzzles like that,” she snapped her fingers.

“Thanks, cuz,” Chin said, placing the puzzle on the table.

“It wasn’t me!” Kono snapped.

Danny rolled his eyes. “Yet you are the one who knows he likes puzzles and how fast he can do them.”

“But…! It wasn’t me!” At everyone’s disbelieving looks, she yelled, “It wasn’t!!”

“Okay, Danny, your turn,” Chin said over his cousin’s complaining.

In contrast to Chin, Danny tore open his gift. He stared at the CD cover for a few minutes before a grin spread over his face. “Sounds of Jersey? This is awesome!” Flipping it over, he read off the titles. “Number one: Traffic Jams. Number two: Backyard Yelling. Number three: Argument in a Pizza Parlor. Number Four: Traffic Jams Part Two.” He stopped reading and looked up at his team. “This is great! Thank you, Santa, whoever you are. I’m gonna play this in the car all the time!”

Steve groaned and slouched in his chair. “Yeah, thanks, Santa… you stupid bastard!”

Danny pressed the homemade CD to his chest and brought a finger up to his eye, flicking away an imaginary tear. “This warms my Jersey heart.”

Steve kicked him under the table.

Danny kicked him back, placing the CD on the table. “Okay, Commander, your turn.”

“I really hate it when you call me that,” Steve groused.

Danny grinned unrepentant. “I know.”

Steve unwrapped his gift. Not as maniacally as Danny, but not as slow as Chin. When he saw what it was, he lifted his head and glared at his team.

Danny leaned over Steve’s arm to get a better look and started cracking up. “So awesome!” He took the box out of Steve hands and removed the rest of the wrapping, turning the gift around and showing the other two.

“Battleship! This is great!” Danny started removing the plastic covering.

Steve glared daggers at Kono. “You’re fired.”

”It wasn’t me!” She cried. “I can’t have given both Chin and you your secret santa gift! Besides,” she huffed, “you’re probably the one responsible for this!” She picked up the Cop Barbie and shook it at her boss.

“It wasn’t me,” Steve rejected. “I have more class than that!”

“Please!” Kono bitched. “Considering all the gifts we got, class is sorely missing.”

“Hey!” Chin started. “I liked my gift!”

“Me, too,” Danny chimed in, setting up the Battleship board with help from Chin.

Steve and Kono continued to rant at each other across the table as Danny and Chin got out all the ships and pegs, separating them equally on each side.

“You are so going down, Kelly,” Danny taunted.

“Hardly,” Chin scoffed, placing his ships on his side of the board.

Both Steve and Kono quieted, staring at the game in the middle of the table.

“B3,” Danny asked.

“Miss,” Chin replied.

Danny grumbled and placed a white peg on his side of the board.

“What the hell!” Steve protested. “This is my present!” He reached out to take the board and both Danny and Chin slapped his hands away. “What the fuck?!”

“You complain about your present, you don’t get your present,” Danny stated.

“G8,” Chin asked.

“Ha! Miss!” Danny replied before snatching the Barbie from in front of Kono, shaking it in Kono’s face. “You, too, Rookie. Grace would love this, if you’re too good for it.”

“It’s mine!” Kono wailed, snatching the doll from Danny’s hand lovingly running her hand over the doll’s hair.

“But…” Steve began, reaching out a second time for his game only to have his hands slapped away again.

“D2,” Danny asked.

“Damn it,” Chin muttered. “Hit.”

“YES!” Danny crowed and placed a red peg on his board.

The play between Danny and Chin quieted the other two and drew their attention. Several plays later, Kono leaned over to look at Danny’s board while Steve glanced at Chin’s. Danny was close to sinking a ship. He just needed to figure out which side to go to: D1 or D5. Kono pointed to D5 and he went with it. “D5.”

“Shit! You sank my Battleship!” Chin yelped, stabbing the last red peg on his ship.

“Yes!” Danny and Kono cried, giving each other double high-fives.

“Hey! No fair, two against one.”

“You’re just jealous ‘cause you were going down. Deal, brah!” Danny sneered, grinning.

Chin arched an eyebrow at his friend. “You did not just ‘brah’ me.”

“I did just ‘brah’ you.”

“Okay, that’s it,” Chin said, ripping the pieces off his side of the board. “New game. Two against two.”

Steve who had been sulking this entire time, after having had his hands slapped twice by Danny and Chin, rubbed his hands together evilly and proceeded to help Chin set up their side of the board.

“Fine by me,” Danny stated, turning to Kono. “Wanna?”

“Hell yeah!”

The Five-0 team spent the next two hours sinking each others battleships.

 

Fin & Mele Kalikimaka Everyone!

December 20, 2010

**Author's Note:**

> (Note: According to the Hawaiian/English Dictionary, Hoahanau means "Cousin".)


End file.
